Would You Rather: Jurassic Park Edition

Just a disclaimer, this post is not about dealing with two equally horrifying dinosaur-related situations. No, this it much more important.

While watching the trailer for Jurassic World today, we looked into Chris Pratt’s eyes and were nearly hypnotized by his dreaminess. But not before we remembered our first dino-dodging crush, Dr. Ian Malcom. Obviously, we had to do an entirely too detailed side by side comparison to see who is the dreamiest of them all: Pratt or Goldblum. Check out this very important piece of journalism after the jump.

We have broken our analysis down into five very scientific categories which we will use to calculate overall hotness: brains, bod, style, humor and lastly charm.

1. Brains
While it was not necessarily a successful endeavor, Jeff *almost* mastered the art of teleportation before turning himself into a gross fly thing. He was also into chaos theory and he wears glasses (an obvious sign of intelligence).

Chris is kinda just forever Andy Dwyer to us, so I think he is pretty much out for this one.

POINT: Goldblum

2. Bod
Okay, so up until a little while ago Jeff may have taken this, but

things

have

changed.

POINT: Pratt

3. Style
While Chris does look very good in a henley and jeans, have you seen Jeff’s GQ spread?? Because it’s kinda flawless.

POINT: Goldblum

4. Humor
We really, really enjoy watching Chris fall over in rollerblades on Parks and Rec, but Jeff did that weird Tim and Eric commercials for like light bulbs or something.

POINT: Draw

5. Charm
This is a very difficult one. Jeff’s game was so strong in Jurassic Park and he has a general air of mystery about him, but we think this is a category in which the Andy Dwyer thing work in Chris’ favor. Also please look at how cute this photo is:

POINT: Pratt